an ode to peter emerick, part three

So, last week, after waking up on my nearly deflated air mattress, I stumbled over to my computer to check my e-mail and get ready for my day.  The morning was like any other:  the sun was shining, the air was humid, my inbox was filled with pornographic spam.  All things considered, I was expecting an entirely normal day.  That was, of course, until I turned around and witnessed the most spectacular sight the world has ever known.

Peter Emerick, in deep slumber, laid face down on his bed, completely naked and unashamed.  No amount of cloth obstructed my vision of this beautiful creature.  I basked in it’s glory.  The back muscles:  sensual.  The calves:  erotic.  The buttocks:  sublime.  The grundel:  indescribable.  As I confirmed my camera phone had caught the full spectacle of the raw image, I thought to myself, “Could this be any better?”  

As if a guardian angel were hearing my plea, Peter’s body tensed, his lungs let out a soft grunt, and slowly he turned over on his back, revealing to me a majesty that, I believe, surpassed Moses’s experience on the mount.  My friends, the bush may not have been burning, but it was magnificent, and I believe I felt the touch of God.  No picture could do the scene justice…but I took one anyway.

an ode to peter emerick, part two

So, Pete has been getting some recent attention in my blogs, which is simply an outcropping of the fact that I live with him.  He’s been mentioned in passing several times over the last couple days, but when I originally set out to blog about him, I intended entire entries to focus on him.  So, here’s week two:

Right now, Pete is asleep.  His alarm is going off because he has to be at work at midnight.  Of course, the alarm beeps in vain, because next to myself, Pete is the heaviest sleeper I know.  I sometimes wonder why he even bothers to set the alarm.  Okay, the beeping is starting to get annoying……and off.

dream

I’m at Saint’s.  A guy just walked by who looked exactly like Eric Clapton.  This happens to me a lot.  I wish that someday it actually will be Eric Clapton.

church

This morning, at a whim, I decided to go to the State College Presbyterian church on Beaver and Fraser.  I was raised Presbyterian, but haven’t spent much time within the Presbytery since coming to college.  My church at home is in the middle of an identity crisis, so even when I’m there it’s not the church I remember from my childhood.

I should tell you that Presbyterians are widely known for being very conservative in their approach to worship.  Many (probably most) Presbyterian churches still adhere to a very traditional Sunday service.  (In fact, those who don’t probably don’t consider themselves Presbyterian any more.)  The church in State College is no different; I busted out ye’ old hymnal for the first time in many years and enjoyed the very structured and familiar service layout.

The structure of Presbyterian worship isn’t the point of this entry.  The point of this entry is to convey my amazement at the worship service I experienced today.  By all modern standards, it was dull and boring.  There were no drums or tasty guitar licks.  There was a significant lack of face-melting pentatonic solos.  I didn’t catch a glimpse of Buddy the Elf or Conan O’Brien (not ragging on you Jon…just making an observation).  

I did, however, catch a glimpse of Jesus.  The service, as low-key as it was, was one of the more moving experiences I’ve had in a long while.  That’s due to several reasons…which I will now go into…

Reason number one:  hymns.  I would say on average, a hymn has about 10 times more meaning than a standard contemporary piece.  Hymns are not plagued by the fluffy, repetitious drivel (I know nobody says “drivel” anymore, but it’s really the best word I could find to convey my meaning) our modern Christian culture has grown to love.  Hymns were written by people with problems, which I like because I’m a person with problems.  More than that, hymns convey a message of hope for an imperfect world.  Singing “Blessed Be Your Name” at the top of my lungs may give me a warm feeling where I think my heart is, but the feeling is artificial.  Hymns provide the substance that justifies the warm feeling.

Reason number two:  the Apostles’ Creed.  This is one of the most powerful professions of faith you’ll ever hear.  It has denominational connotation, so most contemporary churches have done away with it.  I wish they hadn’t.  It’s an incredibly concise and powerful expression of personal belief, and when each member of the church speaks it out loud in unison, it’s the boldest assertion of Truth I’ve yet to hear.  It’s strange how something that seemed so trivial to me as a teenager has come full circle and proven to be remarkably important. 

Reason number three:  baptism.  I love Presbyterian baptism.  There’s no special service or dunking tank.  The water isn’t flown in from Israel or some other “sacred” place.  It comes from the sink…no joke.  A few years ago at my home church, one of the deacons forgot to fill the baptismal bowl before the service.  When it came time for the baptism, the pastor, finding the bowl empty, excused himself from the sanctuary, walked to the bathroom, and audibly filled the bowl from the faucet.  When he came back, the baptism continued, the soon-to-be baptized got three splashes in the face, one for the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and that was it.  The service continued with the newly baptized an official member of the body of Christ.  It’s a very no-nonsense approach to baptism.

In fact, no-nonsense is probably the best way to describe my experience with the Presbyterian philosophy.  It’s worship at it’s mere form.  For those who recall, just yesterday I was whining about returning to Christianity at it’s mere form, and it seems less than coincidental that I made it out to a church this morning that offered just what I was hoping for.

The long and short of all this is that I’m planning on going back to the State College Presbyterian church on a regular basis.  For the time being, it’s definitely what I’m looking for in a church.  Plus, they have these sweet tablets of paper in the pews that say “Divine Doodles” at the top of each page.  Score one for the Presbytery.

living without god

For that past few months, I’ve been reading the book “Can Man Live Without God?” by Ravi Zacharias.  The reading has been somewhat sporadic, but I’ve been getting back into it every few weeks.  Until today, it was just another book, albeit a good one.  Today, however, I read Chapter 12 and was really blown away.  Without going into too much depth (you can read it yourself when you get a chance), I’ll just say that the chapter focuses on something that I think has been missing in my life.  That something is the reality of Christ’s existence and the truth of His claims as saviour.  

I think for the longest time, I’ve been more of a follower than a believer; dragging along in faith simply because it’s the “right” thing to do.  What I’ve realized today–as elemental as it sounds–is that if I’m to be a Christian, I should base my life on the fact that Jesus was who He said He was.  The thought is subtle and simple, but nonetheless a struggle.  It’s funny how we can get so far from the little things.  In the words of C.S. Lewis, I need to take Christianity at it’s “mere” form.

DISCLAIMER:  Okay, so these blogs have been getting kind of serious lately.  I apologize.  All my hard-ass anti-blog sentiments would appear to be floating out the window.  This is probably due to a couple causes.  One, I’m feeling less hard-assy lately, which is more than likely a side-effect of a girl I know.  Two, I stopped journaling on paper a few months ago, and this blog has sort of accidentally taken paper’s place.  I need you to know that I’m not writing for you…I’m writing for me.  (Alas, this entire paragraph was written for you, so I’m really just a hypocrite.  However, considering my seemingly drastic change in opinion, I felt a need to defend myself, whether right or wrong.)  I might actually make a private blog for journaling and completely defuse my need for paper.  I am, after all, an IST student; it’s time to embrace technology.

2:35 am and friday nights

It’s 2:35 early Saturday morning.  Pete left for the weekend, and although Rainbow Six is a faithful friend, playing video games by myself on a Friday night just seems a bit sad.  (Plus, I’m at this really hard part that I don’t currently have the patience for.)  To compliment my current state of loneliness, I thought I’d share some funny stories with you all…whoever you may be.

1.  Tonight at Arts Fest, I was downtown on Allen Street listening to Lemonsoul play a set after telling Samie, Andrew, Dannie, and Brett that there was no way I was waiting in the 3 block line to get into Indigo.  While standing there soaking up the vibes, a 70 something lady walked by with a disgruntled look on her face and her fingers in her ears.  It’s definitely one of those “you had to be there moments” but I couldn’t help but laugh…she looked so pissed.
2. On my way up to my friends’ apartment, I took a few steps outside of Simmons and heard a strange splashing noise.  Much to my surprise, a blitzed freshman was taking a leak about 5 feet from me on that little strip of sidewalk between McElwain and Simmons.  His wang was just dangling there and he had pee all over his hands.  All I can say is:  it wasn’t cold out, but if you got a look at this dude’s snicker doodle you would have thought he had just trekked the frozen tundra in his Sponge Bob undies.
3. I broke Pete’s windshield with my hand.  I cannot even begin to explain why hitting his windshield seemed like a good idea to me, but I was in one of those goofy moods where no thoughts or actions really get filtered…and bad things happen.  Alcohol was not involved for those of you concerned (or assuming).

That’s about it for now.  I’m not sure what to do at this point…it’s 2:54 and I’m still not really tired…but I am really, really bored.

Good night.

wow

Today, “wow” is a six-letter word.  I’m not going to elaborate.

funny

I like how swearing is a sin, but gambling isn’t.  I’m not ragging on anyone in particular.  I just find it peculiar that some people I know will hit up the online poker rooms but look at me cross-eyed if I say “shit.”  I feel like we’re all picking and choosing.  The more I learn about people, the more I see how messed up we all are.

you ever wonder?

Do you ever wonder if you’re doing something wrong, or if life is just hard?  That’s a question that’s been on my mind lately.  I can’t seem to catch a break.   I mean, sitting around playing video games all day is great, don’t get me wrong.  But not having work is starting to take it’s toll.   In fact, that’s an understatement.  The toll is taken and I’m broke. I have $500 dollars (and climbing) in credit card debt, I owe my parents money, I owe Melissa money from last summer, I need to buy a car, and loan payments are just around the corner.  Not to mention the fact that I can’t really provide for myself right now, which is emotionally taxing.

I remember early this year coming to the epiphany that I don’t really need God.  I mean, I need Him as a savior, of course, but my actual physical needs don’t really require his attention.  I’m beginning to wonder if I’m about to eat those words.  It seems that my focus of faith is heading in the direction of needing God to provide for me at an elemental level.

When I say my focus is heading in a new direction, that’s really a lie.  To be honest, my faith hasn’t had any direction in a long time; mostly because I haven’t payed much attention to it.  And so, I’m lead to wonder if God is trying to reach me.  The problem is, I don’t want to have a relationship with God just because I’m in need.  That tendency has plagued my spiritual life, and has made me hesitant to ask God for help.  I’m afraid that I’ll become spiritual for the duration of my need and then go back on it as soon as life is good again.  To me, I’d rather be poor and honest than rich and hypocritical.  The bible says be either hot or cold, not luke warm.  I sometimes wonder if it’s okay to just be cold.

I think at the end of the day my problem might be with humility:  I’m unable to be humble before God.  I can’t really explain why.  Maybe I’m angry or scared.  Maybe I don’t think God know what He’s doing.  Maybe a combination of all those things.  Who knows?  I certainly don’t.

I’m not sure if people actually read this blog.  I’m sure that folks take an occasional gander.  For those of you who stumble upon this entry, don’t comment on it.  I didn’t write this to get feedback or encouragement.  To be honest, I’m not sure why I wrote it…maybe it just helps me think…or maybe I’m bored.  In any case, if you really feel that you need to talk to me about what I wrote today, call me.  If you don’t have my number, then we’re not friends and you shouldn’t pretend to be one now.

Viva la vida.

gamin’

Over the past three or four days, Pete and I have beat the following games:

1.  Army of Two
2. Rainbow Six:  Vegas 2
3. Gears of War

Our future adventures include the following:

1. Rainbow Six:  Vegas
2. Ghost Recon
3. Ghost Recon 2

However, our journey may be stalled as NCAA Football ‘09 comes out in a few days.

Life is hard.

pentecostal, charismatic, emotional, etc.

Today, Pete (shameless plug) and I watched “Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.”  The movie is hilarious, and for those of you who’ve seen it, you’ll be familiar with an infamous scene where Borat attends a pentecostal church meeting.  The basic synopsis is that Borat becomes “saved” by Jesus and speaks in tongues, much to the delight of the pastor and onlooking congregation.  Of course, those of us in on the joke laughed our asses off, much to the dismay of many in the Christian community.

I have a lot of convoluted thoughts about this scene, and an attempt to blog about them only revealed my own confusion on the matter (and several others).  About halfway through writing, I realized that:  a) I was creating more questions than answers, and b) I was beginning to write a serious blog, which is sort of against my core blogging values.

That being said, I’ll risk a little seriousness and leave you with a few questions:  are you real or fake?  Is Jesus your Savior or an emotional crutch?  Is the bible the Truth or a self-help book?  Do you seek God because you believe that you need Him, or because you’re satisfying your need to feel good about yourself?

Sometimes I don’t know.

an ode to peter emerick, part one

I’ve noticed that, for reasons unknown, I’ve somehow been mentioned in several of my friends blogs on a regular basis.  While this doesn’t necessarily bother me, I am confused by that fact that my good friend, Peter Emerick, has not received the same recognition.  I don’t feel bad for him or anything, but I do think he deserves a bit of a web presence.  So, for the next 6 weeks, I will blog about Pete weekly.  This is the first of those entries:

Today, Pete used my eBay account to buy an item he was selling on his eBay account because he had made a typo in the listing.  It kind of pissed me off, but he let me touch his dick, so all things are square.

That’s what I like about Pete.  Other than the fact of his enormous genital endowment, Pete and I can get in stupid arguments about nothing and still be friends when it’s over.

hooters

I love Hooters.  Someone once told me that I was ruining my witness by going there, and damaging my relationship with my future wife.  I don’t know about all that, but I can tell you three things:

1. In summer months, the average street corner in State College boasts more short shorts and cleavage than any Hooters I’ve been to.
2. It is possible for men to see scantily clad women and not think about doing them.
3. I just really like buffalo wings.

relic

Oh high school memories.  I must not have matured much, because this video is still amazing to me.

I’m Yoda,
I’m a soulja,
I’ll mold ya, and fold ya,
I thought I told ya!
Don’t be unwise judge me not by my size,
You wont believe your eyes,
Watch the X-wing rise!

blog redesign

I’m thinking of creating my own blog layout using the WordPress API.  I don’t know if it’ll serve any purpose considering I don’t really blog, but it’d be fun.  I sometimes feel strange for considering web design and API mastery a form of entertainment.  Terms like “nerd” and “girlfriend-less” come to mind.  But, so far, I’m defying both stereotypes.  

In the words of my unforgivable brother:  ”Bitch you ain’t no nerd?  Coulda sworn you was.”  

More to come…maybe…

 

DISCLAIMER:  The video posted above may be inappropriate or offensive to some viewers.  Personally, I think it’s hilarious.  If you feel strongly against it, don’t watch it.